well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
