i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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