okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
