its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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