I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
