dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
