i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
3 2 1 whiskey
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
