somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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