i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
then he tried to convert me to islam
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
