There was a lot of him and a little penis
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
