I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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