i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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