She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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