Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
