its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
