fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
