he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
