i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize