i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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