What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
