she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize