I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
