and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize