you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
