Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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