you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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