i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
