So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you had me at cake vodka
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
