my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Pants are for mortals
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
