i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
