Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
