Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
