you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
