apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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