if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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