I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
