went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have post one night stand depression
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
