no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
