How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
