Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
