i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
