im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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