I don't think brook has ever known best
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
