it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
