My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
