So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize