the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
