Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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