just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
