I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
