I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
