i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
