Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
