A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
