So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
