Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
