you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
