i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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