Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
