I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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