I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
