what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I FOUND THE LEGS
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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