I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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