i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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