WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need water and some morals
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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