I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
