Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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