It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
