he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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