He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Did I show you my penis last night?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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