I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
