no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
