hotel room ftw
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
