i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
