If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
