ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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