pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
