Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize