omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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