why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
