Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
