Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
