haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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