OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
