And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
