You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
