So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
