Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
