i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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