I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
