so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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