Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
