Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
