Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
