Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish you could order shots online.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
