i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
