I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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