so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
