I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
