i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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