I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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