Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
