bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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