Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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