Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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