Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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